Baxter comes home

Up until this year, September 11th had a very different meaning. Many of you know I had gone to New York a month after this day in 2001to respond to that crisis. This year I was in charge of coordinating a response to a very different crisis, one much more intimate and personal. One would assume that I felt an overwhelming responsibility to ensure that everything was just right, as this would be the start of the weekend vigil and home viewing. The reality of the situation was very different, I was no longer alone in my responsibility. I had started as being the one in charge, but on this day my shoulders were light. So many people had stepped up to the plate and responded to the principle; "see one, do one, teach one".

Noah and Emilee loaded the box into the truck. All I had to do is give directions to the loading ramp in the back door of the hospital. At Adam's house, I had suggested to Emilee to take charge of the last step of the journey. I had thrown out a few suggestions, however, the decisions were hers to make as to what the day would look like.  When we gathered, Lauren said a prayer, and then it happened ...  Emilee told me that I could go, I wasn't needed at this point. She was going to choreograph the final journey. Erik and Brian had just arrived from Salmon Arm and I was able to have an enjoyable sit down meal with them.

I met up with the entourage later in the day at the cabin where we set the final details in place for the cabin to be ready for guests. Again I had delegated most of the tangible tasks and continued with the role of consultant. Lauren set the stage and created a welcoming ceremony in the cabin and I was able to sit back and fill my heart with the warmth and connection as I witnessed Baxter's community joining with the commonground community.

It is not coincidental that this post is written today. It has only been recently that I have reconnected with my boys.  I recognize that each of them has their own unique journey and it is not my job to micromanage the process for them. I have to be careful not to mix up my own desire to stay connected with my boys and give them space to find their own way. The last thing that I want to communicate to them is that they need to take on some of my burden. I have been missing them, for sure the last few weeks but I know that they have a community of support and some times it is not just about me. I will continue to invite them along for the ride as we navigate the difficult days. November 20th, Baxter's birthday is the next one that is coming up soon.